


Five Times Two

by Likiel



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Betrayal, Community: J2 non-AU Challenge 2013, Hurt Jared Padalecki, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Powerful fanarts, Protective Jensen, Reverse Chronology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-21
Updated: 2013-02-21
Packaged: 2017-12-03 04:40:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/694273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likiel/pseuds/Likiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We all know that, because of the writer's strike, the season three of Supernatural consists of 16 episodes when originally, 22 episodes were ordered. But what we don't know is that the season number was actually supposed to be 20 episodes. Something happened. Jensen calls it The Event. Jared doesn't have a word for it, but he has feelings, nightmares... and bruises.<br/>The confession of Jared and Jensen's love for each other is the result of a terrible and cruel moment. Let's divide it in five parts. Times two. And in reverse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part one AKA 5

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the j2noauchallenge 2013.
> 
> See the Notes and Thanks section for any futhur informations.

**Title: Five Times Two **

**Author** : [](http://likiel.livejournal.com/profile)[**likiel**](http://likiel.livejournal.com/)

 **Artist** : Lou _(Check the Arts section for her message)_

**Beta:** [firesign10](http://www.livejournal.com/editjournal.bml?journal=likiel&itemid=17172)

**Words:** 19,170

 **Rating:** NC-17

 **Warning:** Angst, schmoop, one violent scene, romance...

 **Summary** : We all know that, because of the writer's strike, the season three of Supernatural consists of 16 episodes when originally, 22 episodes were ordered. But what we don't know is that the season number was actually supposed to be 20 episodes. Something happened. Jensen calls it The Event. Jared doesn't have a word for it, but he has feelings, nightmares... and bruises. The confession of Jared and Jensen's love for each other is the result of a terrible and cruel moment. Let's divide it in five parts. Times two. And in reverse. Written for the [](http://j2noauchallenge.livejournal.com/profile)[**j2noauchallenge**](http://j2noauchallenge.livejournal.com/).

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Jensen entered his and Jared’s house and took a deep breath. Something smelled delicious around here and he was starving. He hadn’t eaten since lunch, which hadn’t been very copious.  These days Jensen hasn’t felt like taking his time to sit and enjoy his meal on set while everyone was so on edge about the rescheduling of the season three episodes. Now that the writers ‘strike was definitely happening, Jensen knew that the producers wanted more than anything to film the most episodes they could before everything ended. If the Event hadn’t happened, they would have twenty episodes wrapped and not sixteen.

 

But the Event did happen. It was why Jensen found himself alone at lunch time, why most of the crew periodically glanced at him sympathetically, why the makeup girls had to spend more time than usual covering the dark circles under Jensen's eyes, and why he had filmed more Dean-centric scenes during those past three weeks than previously in the entire season.

 

Jensen sighed and went inside, closing and locking the door behind him. A set of enthusiastic barks immediately resounded, and he was nearly knocked over by Harley and Sadie. Chuckling, Jensen bent over to pet them for a minute before he headed towards the living room. His eyes scanned the surroundings rapidly before locating Jared sprawled on the couch, a book in one hand, the TV remote in the other. Jensen let out the breath he didn’t remember holding.

 

"Hey.”

 

"Hey,” Jared responded with a soft smile, far from the wide-goofy-dimples grin he could give, but genuine all the same.

 

Jensen came to Jared and sat beside him. His left hand went to curl around the nape of Jared’s neck and their eyes met. Jensen’s emeralds orbs shone with the same unspoken question they'd always held since the Event. And Jared responded to it the same way he always did.

 

"I’m fine.”

 

His voice was a lot more subtle now. More often than not, Jensen found himself leaning to hear what Jared said. The loud and happy guffaws, the booming, enthusiastic voice - they  were gone. The Event took that away from him. But Jensen was nothing if not tenacious, and he'd be damned if his best friend was never going to get them back. He let his forehead fall against Jared’s and murmured, “Good”

 

“Good.”

 

That was usually how things rolled since the Event. Jensen came home from the set, anxiously waiting to see if Jared was okay, even if he had texted him a thousand times during the day. Then, no matter where he found the young man, he always put a hand somewhere on his body, because after a day of separation, he _needed_ the physical contact, and let his eyes ask what his mouth couldn’t. And Jared always responded to him, calmed his anxiety, soothed the worry away, and never complained about the full text box of his phone. Because they both knew that even if it was Jared who ended up in the hospital, he wasn’t the only one who got hurt.

 

After a moment of breathing the same air, Jensen drew his head back from Jared’s and smiled playfully.

 

"What smells so good? Did you cook?”

 

"Yeah… I, huh, I made you a Cheese Soufflé.”

 

"No! Seriously? A Cheese Soufflé? Oh my God, is it done already? Is it big? Can I eat it now?”

 

Jensen knew he must have looked pretty ridiculous, what with the bouncing and the babbling and the salivating, but damn! Jared was playing with one of his weaknesses. Cheese Soufflé was like, his personal orgasmic food. And he hadn’t had one in forever.

 

Jared chuckled and redressed his position on the couch. He took a deep breath and slowly stood up, unable to hide a grimace of pain as he did so. Jensen had to bite his tongue to keep from hovering like a hyperactive mother-hen. He knew that after what happened, Jared needed to feel in control of his own body. Jensen couldn’t help Jared with every little movement, and he had to let Jared fall if the young man was ever to learn how to pick himself up.

But God help him; if it was only Jensen's call, he would take the pain, the fear, the shame and everything in between away and make sure Jared even forgot the meaning of those words.

 

Something must have shown on his face, because Jared looked at him with a sad little smile before putting his hand on top of Jensen’s head _,_ as he still sat on the couch. Jensen didn’t move. Jared’s fingers massaged his skull and stroked smoothly through Jensen's silky, short hair, before they settled on his nape in a mirror gesture of the older man’s act earlier. Neither of them said a word during this, both of them frozen in the warm, soft moment. A beeping sound coming from the kitchen prompted Jared to slowly remove his hand, using it to haul Jensen up instead.

 

"Come on, Jen. Before the soufflé deflates.”

 

Jared was about to take his hand back when Jensen tightened his own.  The younger man stared as Jen entwined their fingers together, bringing them to his lips. Jensen kissed the back of Jared’s hand and Jared nodded like he just said something important, something he agreed with.  This time when he smiled, it was happy, not stellar, because it was too soon, but still pretty blinding for Jensen.

 

"Come on,” Jared repeated in a murmur and urged them towards the kitchen.

 

Jensen followed him without making a sound. His heartbeat was thrumming in his ears and he was sure that, in the house, it was loud enough for them both.

 

 

 

 

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Jared watched fondly as Jensen finished eating the Cheese Soufflé. The older man was quite enthusiastic about it and was practically licking the remains off his plate. His green eyes sparkled with joy and his features were relaxed and satisfied. Jared felt relieved. He wanted nothing more for Jensen to relax and let go of all the things that burdened him. Not long before, he used to think of himself as one of those things. But not anymore.

 

He had quickly realized that Jensen’s real burden was how Jared wouldn’t let him help. Jared understood that the dark circles around his best friend’s eyes, the lines of worry on his forehead, and the crestfallen looks the older man kept sending him weren’t about Jared holding Jensen’s life back with the constant care he needed. They were about Jensen refusing to go on with his life if Jared didn’t want Jensen to be the one taking care of him. What happened three weeks ago was a pivotal life-changing event.

 

The Event _._

 

Jared knew that's what Jensen called it. Jared didn’t really have a word for it. He had a lot of feelings though. The strongest one was fear. It was the feeling he hated the most because he used to hardly be afraid of anything in his life _._ Now, remembering _that_ night when he was so defenseless left him with a cold dread inside his stomach. He was afraid it would happen again. He felt only safe when Jensen was here, and even now, if he was able to spend the day alone in the house while Jensen was on set, it didn’t make the nightmares disappear. Not totally.

 

He had to give it time. That what Jensen always told him when Jared woke up panting, with tears rolling down on his face and a scream coming out of his throat. Then Jensen would hum a half-ass lullaby to him, slipping under the covers and gathering him close. In the morning, they would both wake up in Jared’s bed, trying not to think about how awkward this had become, and Jensen would ask him if he slept well. And more often than not, the answer would be yes. Jensen was his own personal dream catcher

 

Jared could tell how aware Jensen was of Jared's fear. Before, the both of them were a little careless about locking the door before going to bed, and they definitely never thought about investing in a security system. Now, Jensen locked the front door the minute he came home, and made sure that all the windows were closed before they called it a day.  Their house now boasted a new and improved alarm system. And all the locks had been changed.

 

Jensen never said a thing. Never called Jared paranoid, never tried to alter things a little bit, because most of those precautions were his doing. They were both traumatized by what happened, but they had different ways of coping with it: Jensen took care of their safety and Jared’s well-being, and Jared let him. It was a system that worked. It worked great, and even if the older man was still too tired and too worried for his liking, Jared couldn’t deny that Jensen had started to be more like his old self, started to heal. Jared couldn’t ask for more. Jensen was the only reason he himself stayed strong, so even if he had nightmares most of the nights, even if every step was painful, even if he still jumped when a door banged too loud, and even if he was still a little broken inside, Jared considered himself good. And soon he’ll be great again.

 

"What are you thinking?"

 

The younger man raised his head to catch Jensen looking at me with a mixture of amusement and worry on his face. He bit back a sigh.

 

ldquo;I was thinking that I should probably leave you and the plate alone. That was some serious pornographic noise you were making there, dude.”

 

A filthy smile started to spread on Jensen’s face and Jared rolled his eyes. _Of course_ , this would cheer him up instead of embarrass him. This was the guy who admitted popping wood over Jessica Rabbit. The freak.

 

"Oh, sweetheart, you don’t know the half of it.” Jensen replied with a leering smile and his eyes twinkled with mirth.  “This Cheese Soufflé was orgasmic, the best I ever ate! You know, I wonder why my mom doesn’t want to bake me one when I ask.”

 

“Yeah, it’s a wonder…”

 

"I mean, okay, when I was a teenager, I used to eat a lot of it, like every day of every week, but it’s not like I was getting fat or something, so why does she…”

 

“Jen!” Jared cut in because he was starting to visualize the whole Ackles clan at dinner watching with horror while Jensen lost himself in his pornographic food. “How…huh …how come you were so hungry anyway?  Didn’t you eat at lunch time?”

 

Jensen’s smile faded a little and he lowered his gaze to the empty plate. He took his time answering while he absently played with his fork.

 

"I can't bring myself to eat on set, even at lunch time.” The older man finally admitted  softly. “It’s just not the same without you. You’re not sitting in front of me, and you’re not picking at my plate or drinking my coke… and nobody wants to sit with someone who looks like he has a black cloud over his head, so… so I guess, I skipped lunch more often than not.”

 

Jared’s throat was so tight that he could feel his heart go back up inside of it.

 

“Jen…”

 

“Everybody misses you at work,” Jensen continued as if Jared didn’t say anything. “I miss you too. At least I've got you all by myself every evening, but…”

 

"It’s not the same,” Jared finished for him.

 

"It’s not the same,” the older man confirmed.

 

The atmosphere shifted. It wasn’t tense and it wasn’t bad. But it definitely felt anticipatory and Jared was starting to get nervous. This was the moment he had been waiting for, the moment he'd been thinking about since he left the hospital. And everything was _up to him_ , Jensen had made that clear. He wasn’t gonna push for anything, he didn’t want anything from Jared except honesty. Jensen was willing to let the young man decide what he wanted to give him and whatever it was, Jared knew Jensen would take it.

 

Jared had made his decision.

 

It took him some time, but after a week of lying sore in the hospital bed, another week spent lying miserably in his own bed, and then this week, which he'd spent being tired of being sore and miserable, Jared couldn’t even remember why he'd waited so long to take the next step with his friend. His best friend. His confidante, supporter and caretaker.

 

Jared nervously cleared his throat. Jensen’s eyes immediately focused on him.

 

"Jensen…I… Huh…I…”

 

Okay, so maybe now he could remember why he still hadn’t grown some balls and spilled it. It was very difficult to feel confident when you could lose what mattered the most to you, and now the too-familiar lines of worry started to appear on Jensen’s forehead.

 

"What it is, Jay? What’s wrong?”

 

Jared took a moment to look at him. The older man was sitting straight on the chair, palms opened on the surface of the table.  His frame seemed tense, like he was ready to shoot up and catch something.  His green eyes searched for a sign of discomfort in Jared’s posture, and when they didn’t find one, they lost a bit of their hardness.

 

Unconsciously, Jared shook his head. To think that this man was ever going to leave him was like declaring that the sky was green.

 

"I’m an idiot,” he said at last, because - suddenly - thinking before speaking wasn’t so important.

 

Jensen’s eyebrows arched.

 

Ok?” he said, a little unsure and a lot amused.

 

“Yeah… see, I had this big speech I planned to deliver. I wanted to make it special, I wanted to feel like I never said those words before, and I wanted you to feel like nobody told you those words before. I spent the last two weeks plotting about how I was going to make you realize how much you mean to me, how much everything you’ve done for me makes you special in my eyes.”

 

Jared watched as the realization slowly sank into Jensen.  The older man didn’t lose the tension his body held, but his eyes looked greener than Jared could ever remember seeing them. He was starting to blush, which made Jared start as well.

 

“I should have done it the minute we left the hospital. I shouldn’t have listened to you and taken the time to consider it because there is nothing to _consider_. All I have done is angst like a teenager girl on her first crush.”

 

“Jared”

 

"I love you.”

 

That shut Jensen up immediately, but curiously, Jared as well. Now that the words were out, everything he could say afterward seemed kind of useless. Besides, his face was so hot it started to hurt. He was sure that all his blood had flowed upstairs, and he thought that he had been brave enough for today. Jensen could do the rest.

 

It was only when a hand gently gripped his chin, and his legs were forced apart to accommodate Jensen’s body, that Jared noticed the older man had stood up and made his way over Jared, now lodging between his thighs. The young man took a second to congratulate himself for buying those bar stools.

 

Jensen’s hands were warm when he retraced the curve of Jared’s face and his voice was even warmer when he spoke.

 

"I've wanted to hear that for a very, very long time”

 

Jared closed his eyes and tried to nod between the other man’s hands.

 

"Sorry.”

 

"Don’t apologize, Jay.  I’m glad you said it now, I’m glad you said it when you were sure of it. It’s perfect.”

 

"I…I should have said it to you before, at the hospital…”

 

"No, this is perfect now. You were vulnerable at the hospital, and after everything that happened, I don’t think I could have heard it.” Jensen said with an honest voice.

 

"Because you felt guilty?”

 

It wasn’t really a question, but Jensen responded to it anyway.

 

"Yes”

 

"You know it’s not your fault.”

 

That definitely wasn’t a question. Jared put his hand on Jensen’s.

 

"I know. But I can’t help what I feel.”

 

Jared looked like he wanted to argue about that, but after a moment he just sighed and leaned close enough to draw their forehead together. They breathed the same air and the young man felt Jensen’s thumb caressing the sensitive skin behind his ear. His eyes still closed, Jared let out everything.

 

"You know, Jensen? I love you for real. I love you because you’re the only one who sees who I really am. I love you because you always want to take care of me and you never assume anything of me or expect anything from me because I’m tall and I work out… you… you always treat me like I’m precious. I love you because your eyes kind of… sparkle when you’re happy, and when you cry…  I can’t stand it. I love you because you smell like leather and mandarin. I love you because aside from my parents, no one ever calls me baby boy and you just did it like you had called me that all your life. I love you because you love me. You make me feel _so_ lucky.”

 

Jared was so lost in this explanation that he startled when Jensen’s lips crashed into his. The kiss was full of passion, full of want and desire, but it also held something sweeter like both of them couldn’t really believe this was happening.  Jensen’s lips used to be an X-rated fantasy for Jared, and having them sucking at his mouth like there was no tomorrow was mind-blowing. Jared felt dizzy with adrenaline and arousal. Suddenly, Jensen tugged sharply at his hair. Jared let out a sound between a moan and gasp and the older man took the opportunity to insert his tongue in his mouth. And oh fuck, ok, that was definitely a moan, and his slutty legs were acting on their own volition because they were now spread further apart as Jared  basically tried to hump his groin against Jensen’s stomach.

 

God, the man had skills out of this world. He was sucking at Jared’s tongue like it was the best candy he had ever tasted, only stopping to greedily explore Jared’s mouth and take every taste he could get. Jensen kissed Jared like he did everything else with him: with joy, energy, and mischief. The feeling of being the most enticing plate on the menu was new but great, considering that he was slowly losing his mind.

 

Jared didn’t know how long they stayed like this, devouring each other's mouth and pawing at each other's body. It might have been an hour or ten minutes, all he knew is that when Jensen released his mouth, he made a loud sound of protest and tried to chase it. Jensen chuckled and gave him a quick peck before he murmured:

 

“You taste so good, I can’t believe it…”

 

Ok. Jared was hard.

 

“…but if we don’t stop now, I won’t be able to control myself…”

 

Well, Jared didn’t have a problem with that.

 

“… and you’re still recovering. You still need to take it easy…”

 

Huh. What? No, wait a damn minute!

 

"You're already so much better. Soon I’ll be able to pound your sweet ass so hard that you’ll feel me for days. But for now, we need to take it easy.”

 

"No. I want sex. Now.”

 

Jensen sighed and really, Jared couldn’t bring himself to feel any sympathy for the man right now. He was still hard and nothing was happening to fix it. And yeah, ok, maybe all the humping left his ribs sorer than before, but it was worth it… wasn’t it?

 

"Of course it was, baby boy.”

 

"Did I say that out loud?” Jared uttered, a little horrified, and Jensen, the bastard, laughed at his face.

 

"Yeah.” In a few quick movements, Jensen had Jared’s pants opened and the young man’s breath hitched. “And as for your little… hum… your _big_ problem…” Jensen’s right hand came towards Jared’s pants but to his stupefaction Jensen didn’t touch his dick. Instead, he sneaked right behind Jared’s back and promptly went inside of his boxers, his fingers trailing slightly down the crack of his ass.

 

“Oh. _Oh._ ”

 

Jensen’s free hand urged Jared to stand a little and the tall man find himself in a weird position; his arms were around his best friend’s shoulders, his knees were half bent, his upper body was supported by Jensen’s torso, and his head was buried in the man’s neck.

 

Neither of them had the patience to properly strip Jared out of his pants and boxers. Jensen hummed softly while his fingers, constricted by Jared's underwear and denim, ghosted, wriggled and trailed his fingers up and down the young man’s cleft.

 

"So hot… so fucking sexy… I can’t wait to bury myself into this...”

 

Well. Who knew Jensen Ackles was a dirty talker huh? In retrospect, Jared thought, he should have guessed it, considering the way the guy sounded every time he ate something he liked.

 

"But before I do that, I’ll play with you, just like now. I’ll lick you up and down and I’ll suck that sweet little hole of yours until you come. Would you like that, Jay?”

 

"Nnngh”

 

Jared felt his untouched, lonely and ignored cock weep. Damn it. No way he was gonna come without a hand on him. This… this never happened before. Jensen’s fingers stopped their course. Right on his hole.

 

 _"Fuck”_ both men let out brokenly. With a kiss on the side of Jared’s neck, Jensen let his finger stroke the ridges around the sweet and soft opening, causing the young man to whisper deep down in his throat.

 

"Jen… please… I can’t… _please!_ ”

 

“Ssh, I’ve got you.”

 

Jensen’s middle finger probed and pressed, then tapped firmly against Jared’s furled hole - one, two, three times - and that was it. Jared was gone. He came like a friggin’ train without even being dick-touched, or penetrated for that matter, but goddamnit, he was satisfied.  Very-very, thank you so much.

 

Against him, Jensen let out a loud and inelegant guffaw. Jared closed his eyes.

 

"I spoke out loud again, didn’t I?”

 

"Yeah”

 

Later that night, they would lie on Jared’s bed and bicker about what bedroom was going to be theirs and what made of the other. They would trade kisses and caresses like they had done it all their life, except that their faces would still have that look of wonder and awe, and their hearts would still beat like crazy because _all of this is mineminemine now_.

 

They would talk about Jared’s attack with careful words because things were still a little fresh, but the hurt and the fear in Jared’s eyes will eventually start to fade. The betrayal and the rage that Jensen’s heart held will take more time to disappear, but one day it would be reduced to the echo of a bad memory.

 

Years after that, they will be able to avoid the whole thing and just remember that, when Jared was lying broken in his hospital bed, Jensen came and told him for the first time that he loved him.

 

 


	2. Part Two AKA 4

 

 

 

 

[ ](http://likiel.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/3467/26623)

 

 

 

 

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Jensen was pale and trembling. His respiration was uneven, and he was having trouble focusing on the person in front of him. At any other time, he would have been able to recognize that a panic attack was imminent. Right now, his mind was empty, he felt nauseous, he was cold and on fire at the time. He felt like he was out of his body but yet still trapped and caged. He wanted to scream, to tear his lungs apart with a roar, but he also wanted to curl up somewhere, forgotten by everyone. He wanted to die, and he wanted Jared to wake up.

 

_All of this is my fault_ , he thought almost distantly, except that his mind was screaming these words at him.

 

“Jensen, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but you’re starting to scare me.”

 

Jensen raised his bloodshot eyes towards Tom Welling walking his way down the hospital’s corridor. Michael Rosenbaum was standing right behind Tom, looking nervous as hell and a little ill. They were both watching Jensen like he was some sort of grenade on the verge of exploding. Maybe he was. Right now, though, he felt more like imploding.

 

“Don’t worry about me. I’m not the one lying in a hospital bed.” Jensen said at last. He was surprised by how rough his voice sounded. It was practically guttural, but Jensen's screams had only been on the inside.

 

His friends exchanged a worried look, and Tom took a tentative step towards him.

 

“Jen, we’re all worried about Jared, but you gotta…” Tom cut his words off abruptly when he saw something dangerous pass over the other man's face.

 

“ _No._ ” Jensen said savagely. “No, we are not _all_ worried about Jared. _Where is she?_ ”

 

“Down at the cafeteria, I think,” Mike replied nervously. “Now, Jen, don’t do anything you’re gonna regret. I know how you feel, but…”

 

“You _don’t_ know how I feel! Don’t fucking say that shit to me!”

 

“Hey!” Tom exclaimed and placed himself between Mike and Jensen, even if it was the last place he wanted to be. “Calm down, Mike and I haven’t done anything to Jared, and we’re just trying to help you both!”

 

“No, no, that’s okay, Jen, man… I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry.” Mike mumbled.

 

Jensen abruptly felt lightheaded; the room was starting to sway around him, and his earlier dizziness came back like a rocket. He vaguely heard both Mike and Tom calling his name in a panic and catching him before he hit the floor. All Jensen could see was the look of sheer terror in Jared’s eyes when Jensen had barged into his room earlier. In the end, he had managed to calm the young man down long enough for the doctor to administer a sedative. The only thing Jensen’s mind kept replaying was those big, wet hazel eyes looking at him with fear. Fear of Jensen.

 

If Jared didn’t hate Jensen, Jensen didn’t have any trouble doing it for him.

 

“Jen? Hey, Jensen? You’re ok? You want us to call a nurse?”

 

“No” He was glad his voice came out stronger than he felt. He had things to do, he couldn’t just lie down on a bed, and he wasn’t the one who got hurt, no matter what his heart was telling him. Jensen took a deep breath and looked straight at his friends’ faces.

 

“I’m sorry for snapping at you like that. I know it’s not your fault, and without you two, Jared would still be lying in his own blood back at the house… I’m sorry, you two shouldn’t have to deal with this shit…”

 

Tom and Mike looked both positively ill. Mike’s hand trembled slightly as it came to touch Jensen’s shoulder.

 

“You both are our friends, Jen. Friends are here for each other.”

 

A bitter smile appeared on Jensen’s face.

 

“It’s not your fault, man.”

 

“Of course it is.”

 

The three men didn’t say another word for a couple of minutes. Jensen knew that Mike and Tom were trying to figure out a way to ease the guilt that was eating him alive, but nothing they could say was going to change how he felt. Jared was broken, afraid of him, and unconscious. He had been beaten up so badly that his face was totally swollen. He had been left vulnerable, fragile and alone; bleeding on the floor of their home when only a day before they were both playing with the dogs on it. Their home - synonym of joy, warmth, and comfort - was now dark, red, and scary. Violated.

Jensen couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“I’m going to call him,” Jensen finally said.

 

The two other men tensed at that. Tom didn’t look surprised at all, even giving him a look that seemed to say _finally_ , and Mike chewed his lips but looked somewhat relieved.

 

“Good idea. It would be better if you let out some steam off before you spoke to your… to Danneel.” Mike finished awkwardly.

 

“Do you want us to stay?” Tom asked seriously.

 

“I’d rather you didn't.”

 

“Okay. Well, we’ll come find you if the doctor asks for you or if Jay wakes up again.”

 

“Thanks, I’ll be just outside, and Tom?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Don’t let her leave the hospital.”

 

The two men looked at the grim, hard expression on Jensen’s face. Tom swallowed.

 

“Okay.”

 

Jensen nodded and walked out of the hospital. It took all of his willpower not to look at Jared’s door as he passed it. Once he was outside, Jensen isolated himself in a quiet corner, right behind on of the big pillar of the supermarket public entrance. He snatched his phone out of his pocket and quickly entered the number. It rang four times before he heard the voice of Christian Kane in his ear, for the second time this night.

 

“Jensen?”

 

“Shut up.” Jensen said sharply.

 

A sharp breath resounded into his ear, but before Christian tried to talk again, Jensen cut him off.

 

“Don’t talk. Don’t say a damn word. You’re gonna shut up and listen. _Listen to me,_ you son of bitch. _I know what you did._ I know you were with Steve, and probably those two sacks of shit Charles and Rick. You plotted the whole thing with _that bitch_. You came to my house, and you attacked Jared. You beat him so hard that his face is unrecognizable. You made him bleed. It was four against one, _you disgusting bastard!_ ”

 

Jensen’s voice rose at every word.  His blood rushed through his veins and roared in his ears, turning his vision red. His free hand tightened into a fist and his nails dug painfully into his palm. Jensen would have given everything to have Christian in front of him right now. Perhaps the man knew that because he kept his mouth shut.

 

“I always knew you were a jealous little bitch, but my God! I would have never guessed that your insecurity ran so deep that you couldn’t stand the idea of Jared in my life! I guess at some point this is my fault, for mistaking you for a human being when you and your friends are nothing but bullies, _filthy animals!_ ”

 

“Wait a damn minute, Jensen…”

 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU DON’T GET TO TALK!”

 

“I’M NOT GONNA JUST STAND HERE AND LISTEN TO THIS SHIT!” Chris roared back, “You thought no one was going to find out? Huh? You thought we would just wait around and do nothing while this little shit perverts you? We all knew he broke up with his girl because he wants to fuck you! And he's got you so fooled that you don’t even see how isolated you've become from your real friends! And then, Danneel told us about how you flew less and less to L.A. ! That you would rather stay in fucking Vancouver with _him_! You neglected your girl for that _fag_ , and she was afraid you were going to break up with her! We were only watching out for _you,_ Jensen!”

 

Jensen lowered the phone from his ear and just barely spotted a trash can before he threw up. He had nothing except bile and tears in his stomach, and when he was done he felt even sicker than before. He looked at the phone screen. Christian was still on the line. Jensen put the phone back to his ear and spoke with a low and gravelly voice, full of darkness and finality.

 

“We are through, Christian. You, Steve, Rick and Charles… if I ever see your faces again, you will live to regret it. If you ever come near me and Jared again, what you did to him tonight will be nothing compared to what I will do to you. And get this: _you’re not safe_. None of you are. Witnesses saw you leaving the house. We both know Jared won’t say anything to the cops, but I will never stop trying to get him to do it, you hear me? _Never_. If you try to contact any of my friends or pull another shitty move like this again, you will wish you were in jail. I’m warning you, stay away and pass the word to your buddies.”

 

Jensen hung up before Christian could say anything else. He stood there numbly for a couple of minutes, staring at the night sky. No moon and no stars. He blinked back the cold tears that started to gather in his eyes and walked back inside the hospital. He stopped by the cafeteria to get a drink of water and got rid of the taste of bile from his mouth. Once done, he left there and took the elevator to the floor where Jared’s room was. He went down the hallway and was about to check if the young man was awake when he heard Danneel speaking. He followed her voice to an empty and dark hospital room.

 

“What do you mean, you won’t try? Chris, don’t pussy out on me now, don’t do this to me! I never told you guys to half kill him and besides, it doesn’t matter, it’s done! Jensen is your friend; you know he didn’t mean what he said, come on! You can’t let him destroy his life with this… this…”

 

Something broke inside of Jensen’s head, leaving him feeling suddenly as if he had no control over his own body anymore. He marched into the room, towards the corner she was in, half hidden inside the empty room. Before she had the time to register was happening, he snatched the phone out of her hand and threw it against the wall with all of his strength. Danneel let out a small scream, turning wide, terrified eyes towards him.

 

They stared at each other for moment. Unlike with Christian, Jensen was momentarily at a loss for what to say to her. The depth of her betrayal was too great.  He watched her swallow and look at him with wet eyes. She took a step forward and he took two steps back.

 

“Jensen… I… this isn’t what it looks like, okay?”

 

"No?” he replied coldly.

 

She looked even more scared and he didn’t care. He felt nothing.

 

“No. I… look, things weren’t supposed to go like this, I never meant for Jar…”

 

“Shut. Up.”

 

Her mouth clamped shut and she looked at him with shocked eyes, but Jensen could still see a hint of disapproval in them. And just like that, words that were bleeding out of his heart since he discovered her involvement in this whole mess, finally poured out of his mouth.

 

“How _dare_ you stand here and tell me you didn’t mean for him to get hurt _? How can you even say his name?_ ”

 

Danneel’s face started to get red and her mouth pursed tight. But it was merely an attempt to keep her anger in check; Jensen saw that, just like he saw no trace of regret in her face.

 

“See _that_ , right here? That is exactly why we had to do this,” she answered in a dark tone.

 

“You… what the hell…”

 

“You think I’m blind, Jensen? Or deaf? You think I haven’t notice the way he looks at you, anytime I’m at this fucking house you two call _yours_? You think I haven’t see the way you two are all ' _domesticated_ ' in your ' _shared bachelor life-style'_ , acting like _a couple_?” She spat the last word as if it was the worse curse in the world. “You think I haven’t heard the way he says your name, seen the way he smiles at you, noticed the way he’s over Sandy so easily?”

 

“ _You bitch_ …”

 

“NO! Fuck you! You think you can stand here, all high and mighty, when you are basically the reason for this mess?  I’m your girlfriend, you asshole! And you never have time for me anymore, all I hear every time I call is _“Jared did this, Jared said that!”_ You cancel our dates to stay with him even when you two already spent 24 hours together! You… you let him _touch_ you, hug you at all those conventions and interviews, when you don’t even hug your other friends in public! Hell, he even tried to kiss you, and you barely reacted!”

 

Danneel was shrieking now, and her breathing was loud. Her face was redder than ever, while her eyes blazed with indignation and humiliation as she listed all of Jensen's offenses _._

 

“People are talking! They look and they notice, just like me, Chris, and Steve did. Jared is a fag, Jensen, and he clearly wants to fuck you, and _you let him flirt with you all the damn time!_ What was I supposed to think? Do you know how hard it was for me? Everybody making comments during the parties, about _how cute_ the two of you were, how great it was for two guys to be _so close_! Do you know how humiliating it was? To have people assume that your boyfriend is a deviant freak who is fucking his co-star? Everyone was starting to make fun of me! But that's not the worst! The worst was _you,_ Jensen! The worst was watching him turning you into something that you’re not! Because I saw it, Jensen! I saw the way _you_ touch him. I saw the way _you_ _worship him._ Everyone saw it,” She paused, out of breath, gasping with rage and disgust _,_ as she looked at him without remorse. “I had to do something about it.”

 

Jensen didn’t realize that Tom and Mike were now standing behind him, until his back roughly bumped into Tom’s torso. When did he take so many steps back? When did she advance on him?  His mind whirled with all the things she said, all that hatred, that ugliness and jealousy he never thought her capable of. But something else was nagging him, something more important.

 

As he collided into Tom, his friend involuntarily dropped what he had in his hand. The set of car keys hit the floor amid a weird, sinister silence, and Jensen watched as Danneel’s eyes followed their fall. Suddenly, he felt like he had been brutally slapped.

 

_“I had to do something.”_

 

“You stole my keys,” he murmured breathlessly.

 

Danneel tensed, Mike looked confused, but Tom’s eyes widened and he paled as his mind came to the same realization Jensen's had.

 

“The cops said that there wasn’t any sign of a break-in on the house’s door… they said that Jared probably let the attackers in. But he didn’t have to, did he? They had my keys, didn’t they?”

 

“Jensen…”

 

“When I lost them in LA, you said you found them in your apartment… but instead you… you _stole_ them! _And you made a double set, didn’t you?_ ”

 

“I…”

 

“AND YOU GAVE THEM TO KANE! YOU BITCH!”

 

Overpowered by anger, Jensen tried to launch himself at her, only to be restrained by Mike and Tom. His vision was red, his breathing erratic, and his heart was pounding at an alarming rate. All the betrayal, the entire trauma he went through these last few hours were slamming on him with an unforgiving strength. All he could think was why, why, why? For the third time this night, he felt himself drifting into a dark fog as the floor swayed under his feet.

 

“Jensen! Not again!”

 

Again, Tom caught him before he hit the floor, and Jensen could feel his friend’s hand trembling. Everything was so blurry, and loud and ugly…

 

“Jen, come on, don’t do this! Stay with us!”

 

No wonder Jared hated him, Jensen thought distantly, no wonder he was afraid of him, look at what Jensen had brought on him. And now, the sheer idea of confessing his feelings to the young man seemed shameful and left him disgusted with himself. Jesus, he had never wanted to feel bad about his love for Jared.

 

“Jensen, breathe!”

 

_No, I don’t want to._

 

But it wasn’t about what he wanted. In fact, what he wanted was the exact reason why they all ended up here, but what now? It was done. Jensen knew that the least that he could do was to try and make things easier for Jared, starting by getting rid of all the people who had hurt him. He would make sure his best friend was safe again; he would do everything he could to help him forget that horrible night.

 

After everything, Jensen wasn’t sure that Jared would even want them to live under the same roof, but _he had to try_. He had to try to convince Jared to let Jensen take care of him. To let him show that what he was beaten for tonight, _wasn’t and will never be_ the ugly, twisted and shameful thing Christian, Steve, and Danneel had described. It was just the two of them. Jared and Jensen. Nothing else mattered.

 

“Jensen, honey…” he heard Danneel say as she took a tentative step forward.

 

“Stay the hell back, Danneel!” Tom shot back harshly. His tone was so full of venom that Jensen‘s attention focused on him. He quickly realized, as Tom helped him stand up, that the man’s hands were trembling with anger. He also noticed that Mike was strangely silent, and didn’t even seem able to look at Danneel’s face.

 

“Where do you get off talking to me like that?” The woman said angrily.

 

“Don’t you realize that we can have you arrested for complicity in a hate crime?” Tom asked, his body practically exuding disgust as he looked down on her. Jensen watched as Danneel paled, like that thought had not occurred to her before. She turned to look at Jensen with pleading eyes. At that, the actor felt an unexpected, hysterical laugh building up in his throat and coldly coming out of his mouth.

 

“Of course _she doesn’t!_ Try to _understand_ , Tom, _for people like her_ , bashing someone for having _deviant_ sexual preferences is _normal._ It’s the _right thing_ to do.” he said with a cruel and dark irony. As she opened her mouth to respond, Jensen cut her off. It was time to end this.

 

“You know what, Danneel?  You’re a better actress than anyone gives you credit for. I mean, I never saw you coming. Sure, I was aware you were annoyed by the time I spent with Jared, and I knew you wanted me to be more committed in our… _relationship_. I even knew you expected me to make you my first priority… but I would have never guessed how much you and Christian actually have in common. You two are both twisted, homophobic, jealous _bitches_.”

 

The redhead came right in front of him _,_ attempting to slap him, but Jensen anticipated the movement and caught her wrist in a vicious grip.

 

“ _You don’t get to_ _touch_ _me_. And careful, or I might forget that you’re a woman.”

 

“Let go of me! How can you treat me like this? I’m your girlfriend!”

 

“IS THERE ANOTHER WAY TO TREAT YOU? AND YOU ARE NOT MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU GET THAT? YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME!” He roughly released her and she stumbled away, a heartbroken expression on her face that tangled with disbelief, like she hadn't ever considered that her actions would cause Jensen to break up with her.

 

“You… You can’t leave me, Jensen! Not for this!”

 

“Oh, really? Well, if it makes you feel better, this was a long time coming! Why do you think I decided to come to L.A. in the first place? All this time, I’ve been trying to find a way to end this relationship! I've known for months that you were no good for me!”

 

“NO! You’re lying! It’s because of him, isn’t it? He kept us apart for so long that you just forgot! You forgot you love me!”

Jensen vaguely registered the choked noise coming from behind him before he lost it:

 

“I NEVER LOVED YOU, Danneel! NEVER! BEING WITH YOU IS THE WORST MISTAKE I’VE EVER MADE, AND I WANT YOU OUT OF MY LIFE! OUT OF MY SIGHT! **NOW!** ”

 

“No! Jensen, please! Please! We only wanted to protect you! We were trying to help you! Please, I did this because _I love you_!”

 

**“THEN, NOBODY SHOULD LOVE ME LIKE YOU DO!”** Jensen screamed, his voice breaking on the last word. Finally, exhaustion, anger, disgust and hurt settled in his chest, instead of turning and churning his intestines. “Nobody should love me like that,” he murmured at last.

 

“What’s going on in here?”

 

The light flipped on, and Doctor Stendhal, Jared’s surgeon, stepped into the room with two nurses. The man didn’t seem very happy, while the two young women were sporting an uncomfortable air of curiosity. There was a brief silence before Mike answered, surprising the other occupants of the room.

 

“Sorry, Doc, we had an important issue to deal with and we got a little carried away. But we are done here now.”

 

His words were clipped, almost metallic-sounding, and held no room for argument. What surprised Jensen and Tom, was that - for the first time since all the confrontation began -  Mike looked straight into Danneel’s eyes as he talked. Doctor Stendhal looked like he was considering whether to push the issue or not, but the tangible tension in the room dissuaded him. Instead, he said with severity:

 

“I’m glad to hear it. I would hate to have you all escorted out of the hospital, but we don’t want anything to disturb the tranquility of our patients.”

 

“Yes Sir.” Tom and Mike responded in tandem. Danneel remained silent.

 

The doctor turned to Jensen, and a worried frown appeared on his face.

 

“Jensen, you look awfully pale.”

 

Jensen shook his head and managed a pained smile.

 

“No, I’m fine.”

 

“Don’t try to lie to a doctor. I was looking for you, but maybe it would be best if you get some rest. You weren’t this pale two hours ago.”

 

“No, Doc, I… what do you mean, you were looking for me? Why?”

 

Doctor Stendhal smiled tiredly, indicating the door with a jerk of head.

 

“Looks like your altercation disturbed at least one patient. Jared is awake, and he's asking for you.”

 

With his heart in his throat, Jensen spared a glance to Tom and Mike, who nodded at him. Without wasting any more time, he followed the surgeon out of the room, never turning to look back.

 

 

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It was the second time Jared woke up and - like the first time - it was under highly unpleasant conditions.  The pain he was still subject to wasn’t as striking as before, but felt more like a deep ache spread all over his body and on the left side of his face. He abruptly remembered the sedative the doctor had forced in his veins to stop his earlier panic attack, and closed his eyes in shame as flashes of his previous freak-out came to him. Now that he could remember everything, the tears he cried so freely earlier seemed like the worst thing that could happen now. Jared didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want to do anything that could prove he still felt something. _How could all of this happen to him?_

 

Eyes still closed, his attention snapped alert when he heard someone scream. No, more like… shouting. An unwelcome, dread feeling made its way through his guts, his breathing sped up, and he vaguely registered the sound of his heart monitor going wild. Someone was definitely angry, and he was near Jared. What if it was Christian, or Steve, or the two other men he didn’t know? What… what if they were coming to _finish_ him?

 

Jared opened his mouth to call for help, but only managed a pitiful gasp. The movement accentuated the throbbing pain on the left side of his face. It felt like it was on fire. Clumsily, the young man patted the side of the bed and found the button to call the nurse. He needed help before one of the guys found him here, alone again, vulnerable again. He needed…

 

“Mr. Padalecki? I’m glad to see you awake.”

 

Jared opened his eyes, and if the doctor noticed the raw fear in them before the young man masked it, he didn’t comment on it.

 

“I don’t know if you remember me from the first time you regained consciousness? I’m…”

 

“Doctor Stendhal, yeah… I… I remember,” Jared murmured

 

“Good! That’s a very good thing, we were afraid that the concussion was more serious than we thought.”

 

“Mm… huh… I’m sorry about…”

 

“Mr. Padalecki,” the middle age man cut in with a stern but kind voice, “There is no reason for you to apologize for a panic attack, or in fact to be sorry about anything else.  The fact that you woke up so fast just now was definitely a surprise, considering the level of your injuries, but regaining consciousness alone in a strange room, after the trauma you've been through, would set anyone on edge. You have no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed.”

 

Jared felt his eyes well up and used all his strength to keep his tears at bay. With a hoarse voice, he simply replied:

 

“You can call me Jared.”

 

The other man smiled and nodded.

 

“Okay, well, Jared, I’m glad to see you’re in better condition now, even if your pulse is a little high…” The doctor commented while checking Jared’s vitals. “I’m sure Jensen will be thrilled to see you, eyes open this time.”

 

Jared’s pulse immediately sped up again, and Doctor Stendhal had the good sense to not comment on it.

 

“Wha… Jensen is still…? Can I… see him? Please, Doc, can I see Jensen?”

 

The doctor quickly checked something on Jared’s charts, and then made the mistake of looking Jared in the eyes, hit by the puppy dog look in full force. He seemed unfazed, instead his smile softened.

 

“I don’t see why not. I figured it would be the first thing you would want to do. Also, Jensen hasn't left the hospital since you were admitted.”

 

Jared blushed, but couldn’t stop the soft smile that graced his lips.  Doctor Stendhal chuckled.

 

“I’ll go get him.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Doctor Stendhal left the room, and while the door was opened, Jared heard the echo of the shouting match that had woken him up. He shuddered involuntarily, but his previous fear wasn’t so strong now that he knew Jensen would be here any second. At any other time, he would have felt shame at the idea of depending on an another man for his own safety. He hated being reduced to a shadow, unable to stop himself from jumping when a door closed too loudly, always trembling in fear of a surprise attack. He resented feeling helpless, like a little child who wanted and needed someone strong and confident to protect him. Anybody could see that this wasn’t like him at all.

 

To everyone else's eyes, Jared was the strong one, the protector, 6 foot 4 inches of power and force. A natural leader, bigger than life, and fiercely independent. And to a certain point, Jared was all of this; he loved projecting this image of himself, and always tried to make his entourage feel safe when they needed it.  And if they loved him a little more for that, he didn’t mind that either.

 

Until he met Jensen Ackles. With Jensen, Jared quickly realized that what he wanted to be paled pathetically compared to what _he needed to have_.

 

Jared would never forget the look Jensen gave him the first time they met. Nobody, except maybe his parents a long time ago, ever looked at him like that, especially not at the first meeting. Usually, people were sizing him up; impressed by his height, or appreciative of his muscular frame. Some people were startled by how tall he was, before they got to know him and realized he was harmless.

 

Women loved the youth still visible in his face, but their desire to mother him was usually no match for the lust he provoked in them. Men practically always saw him as a challenge against their own masculinity, and the more Jared worked out, the worst it got. A lot of his friendships had ended because of that competitiveness. Even when the men realized that he wasn’t involved in some sort of weird male contest, a lot of them just weren’t comfortable around him. This was one of the reason Jared loved Chad. The guy was so smug and confident about what he called his “sexiness”, “awesomeness”, and “manly attributes” that no one made him feel threatened.

 

So, when Jared introduced himself to Jensen, the warm _,_ comforting look Jensen gave him was completely unexpected. It confused the hell out of him.

 

At first, Jared thought the man was just trying to be friendly, but when Jared told Jensen that he was twenty two, had been in the business since he was seventeen and had left the safety of home and family for the somewhat cold city of L.A., Jared was stunned to see concern and protectiveness shining in Jensen’s eyes before the older man managed to mask it.

 

When the pilot got picked up and the first season was a sure thing, he and Jensen became close so fast that he felt like they knew each other for years instead of weeks. Moving to Canada, to Vancouver, had been the most exhilarating, terrifying thing he ever done. He loved Supernatural, Sam, Dean, the crew, and the fans so much, and he loved his job even more.  But living in another country? Being so far apart from his family and Sandy, who, by the way, wasn’t thrilled with the idea of Jared in Canada and didn’t hide it? Jared had freaked out, and found out for the first time what an amazing friend he gained. Jensen had made him open up about his doubts and insecurities then erased them by his reassuring words and his indefatigable support. Jensen had made Jared felt safe, had slowed the world down when Jared felt like it was spinning too fast. He had made the young man felt warm and protected, had slipped a soothing hand through Jared’s hair and murmured promises he intended to keep.

 

No one had ever behaved like that with Jared before. For the first time since he was very young, Jared felt like he could lean on someone instead of being the supporting one. He felt like he had the right to need someone stronger to protect him. And he had loved it.

 

Come to think of it, he should have known that something so wonderful wasn’t going to last forever. But never in a million years, could Jared have imagined it ending this way, with him broken in a hospital bed.

 

The door of his room opened silently, and Jared tensed as Jensen stood in the frame, eyes fixed on him. They looked at each other for a minute before Jared’s gaze drifted sideways. The older man entered the room, closing the door behind him. He came to stand by Jared’s bedside but stayed silent. Jared was afraid to look at him again, afraid to see his worst fear confirmed on his best friend's face.

 

Christian had told Jared that Jensen wasn’t interested in him. Hell, he had beaten the fact into Jared. Christian had told him that if Jensen knew what Jared wanted from him, Jensen would be _disgusted._ Even if the young man knew for sure that Jensen wasn’t a homophobe, that didn’t mean he would be comfortable with Jared lusting after him. And Jared didn’t want anything jeopardizing their friendship. But maybe it was a little too late for that, considering that Jensen had given Christian keys to their home, when Jared thought it was something only the both of them should share. The silence prolonged itself and was on verge of becoming awkward when Jensen finally spoke.

 

“Jay. I’m glad to see you awake. You gave us a big scare earlier.”

 

The older man’s tone was soft, warm and concerned. But it held something more; something that Jared had trouble recognizing. Unsure of what to say, he nodded, still unable to look at his best friend's face.

 

“I guess you remember what happened to you, at the house?” Jensen stated more than asked, and Jared tensed but nodded again. At least there will be no beating around the bush, he thought bitterly. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jensen rubbing his face tiredly and felt an unwelcome flash of guilt.

 

“Jay, I know you’re angry. You have every right to be, and I know that talking is probably the last thing you want to do right now, but I need you to hear me out, okay ? There are some things that you don’t know yet, and you need to hear them.”

 

“Of course there are,” Jared replied ironically, before biting his lips in consternation. He hadn’t meant to snap at Jensen like that, but truth be told, the man was right: talking about his assault in detail was the last thing he wanted to do right now. He just… wanted Jensen to shut up and stay with him. In silence.

 

Eyes still resolutely fixed on the wall, Jared felt Jensen shift. When the older man spoke again, his voice was rough, heavy, and full of emotions. It shocked Jared as much by his intensity as by his words.

 

“You can hate me all you want; hell, I don’t blame you for it, but please, let me explain myself because while I’m okay with you hating me, I really can’t stand the thought of you being afraid of me.”

 

Jared’s eyes snapped right into Jensen and his expression was full of confusion.

 

“ _Hate_? I don’t hate you!”

 

Jensen’s disbelieving expression was his only answer, and despite himself, Jared let his voice rise in anger.

 

“I don’t fucking hate you! And I’m not afraid of you! Why should I be? You aren't the one who almost beat me to death, and I know you didn’t know what they had planned! I… just don’t get it, Jensen. If… if you wanted me to back off, you could have said something! If I was making you… uncomfortable all this time, you should have just _told_ me, instead of talking to _them_ …”

 

“Whoa! Wait a second, Jay, what the hell are you talking about?” Jensen cut Jared off harshly.

 

“Come on! You can stop pretending, okay? Christian… Christian told me that you didn’t know how to tell me to get lost... that I was making you _uneasy_ with… with the _closeness_ and _touching_ …”

 

Out of all the reactions that Jensen could have had, Jared certainly didn’t expect him to whirl around and punch the nearest wall, but he did and it sobered them both. In the tense silence of the hospital room, Jensen’s harsh breathing was loud, a painful contrast with the almost non-existent sound Jared’s own breath was making.

 

“Dude,” the younger man murmured at last.

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Did you break anything?” Jared asked, trying to hide the worry in his voice. Jensen turned around to face him, all dark eyes and pale face, then gave him a twisted smile.

 

“No.”

 

They glowered at each other, and Jensen spoke quietly, his voice pitched low:

 

“All the things that son of bitch said to you were lies. Him, Steve, and their two puppets, they lied, Jared, you understand? I never pretended anything with you, ever. What you’ve always gotten from me is what you’ve always seen, and you have never made me feel uncomfortable, or uneasy, or _disgusted_ , because this is what it's about, isn’t it?” Jensen said ironically, followed with a wry chuckle. “Besides, have you forgotten all those times when _I_ was the one who invaded your personal space? When I was the one who hugged you randomly, caressed your hair while we watched movies, kissed the back of your neck while you cooked? I touched you as much as you touched me, if not more, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”

 

Thanks to his actor’s skills, Jared managed to keep his expression blank, but a torrent of thoughts whirled in his mind. What did Jensen mean by “I wouldn’t have it any other way”? Was there a possibility that he felt the same way as Jared? When did that happen? Jared had always thought he was alone in this, because sure Jensen’s displays of affection towards him were sometimes… unconventional, but the guy loved him like family and they were best-friend. Jensen never gave any indication to feel something beyond that. Or Jared thought so. Did Christian know? Was it why he lied? Was it why they came to his house? Jared opened his mouth, ready to ask all the above, but to his utter shock what came out was:

 

“Then why did you give Christian your keys?”

 

Jensen froze. Jared’s eyes widened of their own volition and the iron cold fear he'd felt since he woke up – both this time and the first time nbsp; washed over him. The beeping sound of his heart monitor increased, and if Jared could feel beyond the dull ache of his battered body, he would have realized he was shivering.

 

A myriad of emotions passed over Jensen’s face, but the understanding and the relieved expression that settled on his best friend threw Jared off.

 

“Is that why you were so afraid of me when you had your panic attack? Jared? Is that it?” Jensen eagerly advanced, and now he was standing a little too close for Jared’s comfort.

 

“I…huh…I…”

 

Jensen sat by his hips but didn’t touch him, and for that, Jared was very grateful. He didn’t know if he could handle any contact right now. And the man still hadn’t responded to his question…

 

“Jay? Please, I need to know. I’ll respond whatever questions you want to ask, but I _need_ to know that.”

 

Of course, Jared mused, Jensen would have guessed what he was thinking - the man knew him by heart, better than Jared's own family. So he decided to be honest.

 

“I wasn’t afraid of you, Jen. I was afraid about you. I wasn’t very lucid earlier, and when I saw you barge into the room like that… it was so abrupt, and you seemed so pissed, I thought you were angry with me. But I knew you would never hurt me, man. I _know_ that. But then, I remember that you gave Christian your keys without telling me, the keys of _our_ _home,_ Jensen…” Unshed tears gathered in Jared’s eyes, and his bright and stricken gaze never left Jensen’s face.

 

“I… I thought that what Christian said was true,” he continued with a broken voice. “He told me you gave them to him because you weren’t comfortable living with me anymore. That I was smothering you, and forcing you into what he called a… a gay-domesticity, and that you were thinking about leaving. He said that you wanted someone else to have the keys, so that maybe I'd get the message and back off.”

 

Jared couldn’t hold back his tears anymore, and let them flow. They cascaded down his cheeks while he tried to bite back the heartbreaking sobs shaking his sore body. He raised his unbroken arm and wiped his wet cheeks in a trembling movement. He wasn’t done talking, and they both knew he needed to finish what he'd started, just like they were aware that he couldn’t handle comforting right now. When the young man lowered his gaze, he saw that Jensen’s hands were clenched into two white fists on the blanket, tightened hard enough to rip it apart. Jared tore his gaze away and murmured tiredly:

 

“I didn’t want you to see me like that. I was all over the place, man, and when you tried to calm me down, I just panicked. I wasn’t afraid of you and I don’t hate you, Jensen. Never. I was just… lost.”

 

They were still in the quiet room, Jared staring at the wall and Jensen staring at Jared. The more the silence prolonged itself, the more the younger man felt nervous. He didn’t want Jensen to apologize or anything; he could understand why the man gave his keys to Christian. No, all Jared wanted was closure, at least on this. The nightmares he could handle, the flashbacks he would handle as they came. But he couldn’t stand what was happening between him and his best friend.

 

But Jensen was still silent. And still staring at him. When the younger man finally mustered the nerve to look back, he stared, mesmerized, by Jensen’s emerald eyes. They were much darker than usual, and were drinking in every detail of Jared's face, like it was their last chance to do so. Jared blinked, and then Jensen started talking.

 

About the keys. About Christian. About Danneel, and about betrayal. And the more he talked, the more Jared realized that it was both of them who suffered. It was both of them who would carry scars, nightmares and fears for a very long time. The raw guilt and hurt he could hear in Jensen’s voice made Jared want to hurt Christian and Steve for the first time. It shouldn’t have surprised him but it did. Cut Jensen, and Jared was the one bleeding. And vice-versa. It wasn’t how friends reacted with each other, not even best friends. Brothers? Maybe, but as much as they would love to be, they weren’t Sam and Dean.

 

They were just Jensen and Jared. Drowning in each other since day one, staunchest supporter of each other, best friends, best everything. Jensen was the laugh Jared let out early in the morning, before his first cup of coffee, and he was the fond smile playing on Jared's lips, when he drifted to sleep, late at night. Jensen ruled over Jared's realm of dreams and was the foundation that anchored him during the daylight. With Jensen, everything was different. The rules didn’t apply anymore. He was a blessing and a curse, the beginning and the end, the good, the bad, and everything in between. He was love. He was Jared’s, and when Jared realized that, three things happened:

 

Jensen confessed that he loved Jared.

 

Jensen refused any answer from Jared.

 

And Jared fell in love with Jensen all over again.

 

When everything was said, the older man stood up to leave, despite Jared’s protests.

 

“Jen…”

 

“You need to rest, Jay”

 

“But Jen!”

 

“You’re exhausted, and I’ll be back tomorrow morning, okay?”

 

“No, not okay! Jensen, please…”

 

“Jared.”

 

“You really won’t let me respond now?” Jared asked uselessly.

 

“No.” Jensen’s stern voice was a sharp contrast with the soft warmth of his eyes, “I don’t want any response right now, Jay. Not like this.”

 

“This?”

 

“Not while you’re lying in pain in a hospital bed. Not when everything is still so rough, after what happened… I want you to think about it, okay? _Think_. I want you to take your time, to consider your options. I don’t want you to feel pressured about anything. And most importantly, Jay, I want you to know that whatever you decide, you will always have me. You are my best friend. That is never going to change.”

 

“But, Jen…”

 

Jensen bent down and put a finger on Jared’s lips. Then he carefully kissed the battered and swollen side of Jared's face, first his temple and then his cheek, right on the spot where the dimples usually showed. Tenderly, the older man murmured:

 

“Shut up. Think”

 

Jensen left the room without a look back, and just by the way he was walking, Jared knew how much it pained him to do so.  The young man plopped himself back against his pillows and stared at the ceiling, blinking back the traitorous tears in his eyes.

 

“Idiot,” he murmured in the empty air.


	3. Part three AKA 3

  
  
  
  


 

  


 

 

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As soon as the cab dropped them in front of Vancouver General Hospital, Jensen all but ran inside, letting Danneel pay the driver. He felt almost hysterical with worry, and his girlfriend’s attitude had only served to increase his tumultuous state of mind.  
After Jensen had received Tom’s call, he hadn’t wasted any time and managed to get two direct flight tickets to Vancouver, departing in two hours. He had seen the way Danneel’s lips tightened while he pleaded with the airline agent on the phone, explaining that it was an emergency, but Jensen decided to ignore her reaction.

When he finally got what he wanted, he immediately started packing until she’d stopped him and suggested that they could, at least, wait until tomorrow _._ Aghast at her lack of concern, Jensen had threatened to leave without her, and only then did she realize that it was _one-way_ tickets he’d booked.

The three hours of flying time between Los Angeles and Vancouver were full of tension and silent recriminations. Jensen was on the edge; he couldn’t check his phone during the flight, and he didn’t know if anything had changed with Jared’s condition. He was scared and angry while Danneel seethed beside him.

When they landed at Vancouver, Jensen wanted to go straight to the hospital but she argued that they needed to take their luggage to the house. After a shouting match, Jensen relented. When they reached his and Jared’s home, a wave of horror and anger washed through him. Cops were in front of and inside his house. He didn’t stop when they called him and just hurried into the living room, where he promptly slid on a puddle on the floor. A puddle of something red. Blood. Jared’s blood.

Jensen remembered throwing up, men talking, hands holding him, and Danneel’s voice. He remembered asking for Harley and Sadie with a dread feeling in his stomach. He remembered crying in relief, face burrowed in their fur, when a woman in uniform brought them to him.  
When he and Danneel left the house and took a cab to the hospital, Jensen’s mind flashed images of the blood on the floor, the broken furniture, and the deep scratches that Harley and Sadie’s claws had left on the wooden door of the closet they had been locked into. This time, the silence during the drive was full of sorrow and fear. Jensen didn’t know how badly Jared had been injured, but all that blood...

Finally inside the hospital, he spotted the reception desk and asked the startled nurse where Jared Padalecki was.  His appearance must have been a little scary, judging by the uncomfortable looks the nurse and her colleague kept sending him, but Jensen couldn’t care less. He headed towards the elevator and pushed the button of the floor Jared was on, Danneel silently trailing behind him. Jensen realized that she'd been very quiet since the house, and he was about to ask her if she was ok when the door of the elevator opened, revealing Tom and Mike standing not too far ahead.

“Jensen! Thanks God, you’re here!” Mike said.

Jensen hurried towards them and immediately started asking the questions that had been torturing him since Tom’s call.

“Where is Jared? Is he ok? Is it serious? What the hell happened? How did you find out? Why…”

“Whoa!” Mike exclaimed, raising a hand to stop Jensen’s panicked rant. “Slow down and calm yourself, Jen, Jared is… fine, he’s still unconscious and the doctors are with him.”

Mike's words didn’t reassure Jensen in the slightest, and something in his expression must have shown it. Tom put a solid, comforting  hand on his shoulder while he guided him to a plastic chair right under the sole window in the hallway.

“Jensen, me and Mike didn’t get any news since I called you, aside from the fact that none of his injuries are life-threatening,” Tom said softly while sitting next to him.

Jensen nodded dumbly, his mind still reeling from having to hear the words “Jared” and life-threatening” in the same sentence, but he managed to realize that neither of his friends had answered the rest of his questions. He took a deep breath and sat straight on his chair, his tired and haunted gaze traveling between his two ex-cast mates.

 “What happened?”

Tom and Mike exchanged a look that Jensen immediately recognize as their “Let’s spare the poor guy’s feeling” look. He’d seen it before but never directed at himself, and while all the other times Tom and Mike used it had amused him greatly, all Jensen wanted right now was total honesty.

“Don’t you dare,” Jensen warned them harshly. “Do not hide anything! I want… no, I _need_ to know everything! Got it?”

Mike looked anxious and Tom’s eyes seemed to pierce through Jensen’s. Whatever the brunette was looking for must have shone in Jensen’s eyes, because Tom nodded slowly and started to talk.

“Jared called us earlier this evening. He invited Mike and I over to hang out at your house, you know, play with that new X-Box he bought you for your birthday? I think he was a little lonely… so Mike and I planned to come by around eight and to bring dinner.”

Jensen’s heart couldn’t help but twist painfully at the thought of Jared feeling alone or, god forbid, abandoned during Jensen's stay in L.A. Damnit! He never wanted to go in the first place, he should have trusted his heart. If only he had, then maybe Jared wouldn’t…

Jensen immediately cut off his dangerous train of thought and focused on Tom’s voice.

“The front door was wide open and we could hear Harley and Sadie howling from pretty far away… that’s… that’s when we knew something was wrong. We entered and went to the living room calling for Jared and…huh…”

Tom swallowed and looked away while Jensen was fighting the shivers running down his frame. Mike continued with a low and sorrowful voice:  
“Jared was lying on the ground and there was blood on his shirt and on the side of his head. He had his left arm thrown against his face as if… as if he was trying to protect himself from a blow or something, except that his arm was obviously broken. He was… completely beat up and he wasn’t moving. I thought…”

Jensen started to feel his head spinning as Mike’s description formed a clear picture inside his head. He didn’t need to hear the rest of Mike’s sentence. He knew damn well what the other man had thought, and he couldn’t tolerate - much less stomach - the idea of it.  
Except that it could have been. It could have happened. Jared could have died tonight and Jensen would have been - where? In L.A, once again faking that he was in love with someone else, because he’s been too chicken shit to take what he already considered his. Because of Jensen, Jared could have died alone _._

_Jared could have died._

Oh, God.

Before he knew it, Jensen was lying on the floor, unable to remember how he ended up there. He felt dizzy and found it difficult to breathe. He vaguely heard Mike and Danneel ‘s voices and felt Tom’s hand on his neck, but all strength had deserted him. He didn’t want to make any effort, he didn’t want to think. What was exactly the point at standing up or focusing? What mattered beyond the horrifying outcome of his cowardliness?

_Jared is still alive._

Jensen opened the eyes he didn’t remember closing. _Of course_. That was the point, that was the focus. That mattered. Jared was still alive and Jensen loved him so much. He could still make things right.

“Mr. Ackles? Sir?”

Now, that was a voice he didn’t recognize. His green eyes darted to his left side, where a man with brown hair and warm black eyes was scrutinizing him.

“Deep breath, Mr. Ackles… that’s it, head between your knees. That’s good… there.”

Jensen obediently followed the man’s - the doctor’s, he assumed - instructions for several minutes before he straightened up, too exhausted to feel embarrassed by his lack of control and too worried about Jared to think much of it.

“How are you feeling now, Mr. Ackles? I’m Doctor Archer Stendhal, by the way. I’m also currently Jared’s surgeon.”

Whatever weakness Jensen felt went through the window as he heard those words, and adrenaline coursed his veins. He turned to face the other man and hastily fired his questions.

“How is Jared? Why does he need surgery? What are his injuries? Is he conscious? Can I see him?”

“Jared will be fine. He needs surgery because his left arm was fractured in two very delicate places, but none of the physical harm done to him tonight will be permanent. As I said, he has a broken arm; in addition to that, he has two broken ribs and four bruised ribs. He also needed twelve stitches on the right side of his forehead and twenty-three on his stomach. Thankfully, the blunt object that caused this particular flesh wound  wasn’t deep enough to damage any internal organs, but Jared still lost an significant amount of blood. His legs and thighs are severely bruised; I think some heavy object, like a baseball bat, was used on them and on his back too, but again, nothing more was broken. The left side of his face is badly bruised but will heal nicely with the right treatment and some time.  Jared is not conscious right now and I doubt that he will be until late tomorrow _._ As for seeing him, that will have to wait until after the surgery, which I need your authorization to perform, Mr. Ackles.”

A morbid silence settled upon the small group. Jensen stared at the doctor the entire time as the man answered all his questions, and now found himself battling a myriad of emotions. Horror was the most powerful one. The actor couldn’t help feeling like he was playing a part in some dramatic scene. Those awful things couldn’t happen in real life, and certainly not to Jared, of all people. Never to Jared.

But there were no one to scream “cut” and no red mark on the floor. The only red marks he had seen were from the blood Jared had lost when some animals decided to hurt him.

Jensen took a deep breath.

“Ok… ok. Thank you, Doctor Stendhal. Can you… can you explain to me again about the… the surgery? What risks does it entail?”

Doctor Stendhal watched Jensen with piercing eyes, evaluating the young man’s physical and emotional state before smiling softly and explaining the procedure to him.

As he listened to the surgeon, Jensen noticed that Danneel was pale and sporting a dark frown. Tom and Mike seemed very shocked by the extent of the youngest man’s injuries, but as Jensen paid closer attention, he couldn’t help but think that something was… off about their reactions. While Mike looked like he was going to get sick, Tom looked… torn and scared which completely confused Jensen. And why did Danneel seemed so nervous?

Soon enough, Jensen gave his go-ahead for Jared’s surgery and Doctor Stendhal took off, but not before ordering Jensen to at least rest in the waiting room and eat something.

When he was gone, Danneel grabbed Jensen’s arm.

“Why does the hospital need _your_  authorization to  perform surgery on Jared? Why can’t they just do it?”

Jensen frowned as he felt her hand squeeze his arm a little too tightly.

“Because I’m his medical proxy.”

Before he could yank his arm away _,_ Danneel released him like he had burned her. Her eyes were full of betrayal and… hatred, he realized, and for the first time since the beginning of this whole mess, Jensen focused entirely on her.

Keeping his face impassive and mentally praising his skills as an actor, he asked in his most oblivious voice.

“So?”

It was like someone  flipped a switch in her, and it truly shook Jensen. Danneel shot forward, her face only a few inches from his, and snarled with impressive  fury.

“So? _So?_ I’m not even listed in your emergency contacts and _I’m your girlfriend!_ Why are you his medical proxy? You’re not family, you’re not his girlfriend! Why does it have to be _you?_ ”

Jensen violently yanked his arm away and murmured in a cold, hard voice.

“Jared _is_ family to me and I’m family to him. We’re working together, we’re _living_ together. I’m the most obvious choice to make legal decisions if something happens to him, just like I trust him to do right by and for me if I can’t do it for myself. What is your problem?”

Danneel’s face went a deep shade of red, and Jensen’s eyes hardened as he continued.

“We’ve got each other's back and it’s always been like that _._ Must you really do this? Now? When he’s lying in a hospital bed? Do you realize how petty and self-centered you just sounded?”

“You…”  Danneel started but was interrupted by the loud vibration of her phone. As she checked it, her gaze fixed on the caller’s name for a few seconds before she composed herself and looked back at Jensen.

“I’ve got to take this. We’re not done yet.” And with that she strode out of the hallway, heading towards the cafeteria. As Jensen watched her go, something in his belly curled uncomfortably. He didn’t know what it was, but he felt that he was missing something. As possessive and sometimes, he could admit it, bad-tempered as Danneel was, the behavior she just showed, actually the behavior she'd demonstrated since he got called in L.A, was over the top, even for her. And there were something strange with the way she had checked her phone. Almost like she was... _expectant_.

About what he didn’t know, but it didn’t help the knots inside his stomach.

Needing to take his mind off his girlfriend, Jensen turned around only to find Tom and Mike looking at him with very strange expressions.  
“What?” he asked, immediately feeling on edge.

Tom and Mike exchanged another of their special looks and Jensen growled. He opened his mouth to demand them to spill it already when two policemen walked straight up to Jensen.

“Mr. Ackles?”

“Yes?”

“Officers Oliver and Johnson, we were at your house earlier…”

“Yeah. I… I recognize you”

The two men, shorter than Jensen but not by much, were in fact the two officers that had tried to stop him when he sprinted inside the house, needing to see for himself the proof of this nightmare.

“Mr. Ackles, we would like to ask you some questions, if you don’t mind.”

Jensen looked perplexed but nodded.

“OK. Mister Padalecki and yourself are currently living together in the house, correct?” Officer Oliver asked in a professional voice.

“Yes, we are.”

“And the house belongs to Mister Padalecki?”

“Actually, no. Not since January. We had the mortgage split. It’s our house jointly now.”

Behind him, he could sense that the news had startled his friends, but the two officers remained focused.

“Does anyone besides the two of you have keys to your house?”

“What? No! Of course not. And before you ask, we have a rule. We don’t make copies without asking the other first. Jared would have told me if he did.”

Officer Johnson spoke then.

“Mr. Ackles, we were unable to find any trace of someone breaking in. There were no broken windows, no picked locks and no sign of shattered wood. As it is, it seems that whoever attacked your friend are most likely people he knows, people we believe he let in.”  
“Wha… N…No… what?…”

“Mr. Ackles…”

“Oh my God… oh my God!”

“Mr. Ackles!”

“Jensen!”

There were no walls holding him prisoner, so why was it so hard to move? There was no bag over his head, so why was it so hard to breath? Jensen felt the world change its coloring and settle into shades of grey, in harmony of the horrifying hollowness he was feeling. _Not safe, not safe, not safe_ … those words were now the only ones he knew, the only ones he could think of.

But as his head was once again forced between his knees, as he started taking deep breaths, something feral and dark, unrefined and vicious, hidden and savage made its way past the pitiful remains of his sanity. And that twisted thing, full of anger and hatred was howling one word, only one but so loudly that the “ _not safe_ ” mantra was fading away.

_Who?_

_Notsafenotsafenotsafe…_

**_Who?_ **

_Not…_

**_WHO!_ **

Suddenly diverse images flashed through his mind with a terrifying clarity. Him reading the weird text message Danneel received at L.A. Tom and Mike’s strange behavior and nervous glances as the doctor filled them on Jared’s state _._ The front door of their house, wide open, the broken furniture, the blood on the living room floor _._ The officers telling him Jared had let his attackers in the house, had known them, had _trusted_ them… and finally, Jared’s smile, wide but a little wistful as Jensen departed for Los Angeles what now feels like years ago.

The shrill voice that was tearing his soul apart settled in a disturbing, cajoling whisper.

_Who?_

Nobody could accuse Jensen Ackles of being a stupid man. Nobody could even call him naïve. Yet, dear God, he really hadn’t seen this coming.

He had lied to himself for so long about his feelings for Jared that he hadn’t realized he wasn't fooling anyone. Or anyone that mattered, anyway.

He vaguely heard Tom thanking the policemen before they left. He was distantly aware of the world that dare to continue existing, when everyone and everything should have been curled on the ground screaming and sobbing like he wanted to do. Minutes passed - maybe one, maybe a thousand. Tom was murmuring things now. He was murmuring the truth, the ugly, vile truth, what Jensen guessed - what he was too scared to say since Tom had called him hours ago.

“I wish I was wrong, Jen, but I know what I saw. I tried to think of a thousand different explanations but nothing else comes to mind. They were here, when I looked at the kitchen window… Christian, Steve and those two guys, their two side-kicks, I forgot their names… they had a bag, I didn’t see what it was but… It was them, Jensen. It was them.”

Of course it was. And yet, the dark and twisted voice wasn’t soothed.

_Who!Who!Who!_

Jensen didn’t think, he just let that voice, that part of him that wanted to know, to hurt, to blame, take over _._ It was like he was outside himself, watching himself pick up his cellphone, masking his number before dialing a man he'd been friends with for more than a decade. One, two, three, four, five rings later and Christian Kane’s voice, tense and angry _,_ sounded in Jensen’s ear.

“Damnit, Danneel, stop calling me! Everything will be fine! The little fag won’t breathe a word of any of this, what more do you want? Now leave me alone!”

The dial tone played and the dark voice purred.

Jensen couldn’t cry, so he laughed.

 

 

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Jared was alone in what appeared to be a field of paper flowers. All of them were green, a familiar green, but he couldn’t really place it. As he looked around and dubiously patted the floor… grass or whatever the hell he was sit on, he was surprised by how soft the paper flowers were. Almost like cashmere.  And this green color was very appealing. He decided to lie down and it felt like he was somehow lying inside himself. He chuckled. What a strange thought to have.

He settled down and watched the purple sky fly over him. The white, creamy clouds had such entertaining forms that he felt like he could stay and watch them for hours. It was a peaceful place, warm and silent. The kind of place you go to escape a nightmare, Jared thought unexpectedly. He frowned and blinked as the clouds frowned back at him.

Okay, weird, but not worth moving from his position. He settled again and smiled pleasantly at the sky, not wanting to upset it more than he already had. As his reward, the paper flowers started to hum and Jared’s smile widened. Everything about this place was so relaxing and he was deep-bone tired… so why wasn’t he asleep already?

He realized he wasn’t smiling anymore at the same time the sorrowful nature of the humming reached his ears. His breath hitched. Whatever the green paper flowers were singing was making him… sad. Crestfallen, even. He needed it to stop. He asked the wind, but the wind just howled at him.

Treacherous tears started to fill his eyes, and in response the white, creamy clouds that weren’t so white anymore rumbled a world of raindrops, all ready to tell a story.

Jared knew that story. He hated that story. He didn’t want to hear it again, but no matter how hard his hands gripped the paper flowers, a single tear traveled down his cheek.

At the same time, a single raindrop was falling down on him, and the unthinkable happened when it touched him.  
He woke up to reality.

Never in his life had he felt this level of pain. Everything hurt: his ribs, his head, his arms, his legs, and his back. Inside and outside. He gasped for air but it hurt too much to breath and God, fear was filling every particle of his being until he couldn’t think straight. Foggy flashbacks of what had happened to him made their way through his brain and only helped him to lose focus on his breathing.

Something wet made its way down the side of his neck. Right. How ironic that he couldn’t breathe but could still cry. Some shame managed to pierce through the fear that had him in a tight vice and he tried to raise his left hand to wipe the tears away, but he couldn’t move his arm. His eyes darted toward his casted arm and a noise escaped his mouth without his permission. _He still couldn’t breathe._

But he could make some noise.

Jared screamed, then choked as some oxygen finally went where it should go. If the only way to breathe was to scream, then so be it.  
A few seconds later, a man and two women barged in his room and Jared forgot everything, even his own name, as fear paralyzed him on the bed. The only thing he didn’t seem to have forgotten was how to scream, and his voice - rough, desperate and so _frightened_ \- seemed to be bigger than he was. He thrashed and screamed in agony this time, when someone tried to touch him _._ Jared could hear voices asking him, pleading with him to calm down, but he couldn’t do that. It was when he started to quiet down that Christian had hit him the hardest.

Suddenly a careful hand placed itself on his forehead, and even in his hysterical state, Jared recognized it immediately. But the warm, loving feeling that usually accompanied that touch was not working right now - oh it stopped the screaming, yes, but now all Jared could do was sob like a lost child.

He wanted to ask Jensen why. Why didn’t Jensen ever tell him how Jared was making him miserable? Why didn’t he tell Jared to back off, why did he have to give their house keys to Christian, of all people? And what did Jared really do to deserve it at all?

He knew it was written all over his face[, and he watched Jensen’s face twist in sorrow and something like self-loathing before the man leaned close and murmured softly.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby boy, please….please, you need to calm down, rest, Jay. I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise, please rest… just rest.”

Against his better judgment, Jared found himself relaxing and going lax. He watched as the previous man introduced himself as Doctor Stendhal before administrating something inside his IV.

As he drifted into sleep, he felt Jensen’s hand retract and murmured “flower papers” , the green eyes of his best friend holding his before everything went dark.

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Part four AKA 2

  
  
  


  


 

 

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_I wonder what Jensen’s doing right now_ , Jared thought for the hundredth time since his best friend and co-star left for Los Angeles that morning. He sighed and berated himself for acting like a fourteen year old girl during the Backstreet Boys' heyday.

Damn, he was ridiculous - it was not like Jensen was never coming back, and it was not like he would be gone for long. He had said a week. They had gone without seeing each other for longer than that before.

_But I could always call him any time I wanted,_ Jared’s irritating inner voice reminded him. That was true, but this trip Jensen had planned with Danneel was a delicate one, a way for Jensen to break things up but keep the air clear. Jared knew Jensen had let static build between Danneel and himself. He hadn’t made any attempt to see her, or expressed any particular desire to do so, for weeks now, but clearly Danneel hadn’t taken the hint, instead strongly insisting that Jensen visit her in L.A this week. Of course, Jensen saw it as a perfect opportunity of letting her down gently once and for all, yet Danneel…

Well, Jared was pretty sure she wasn’t about to give up on the man that easily. She’d be stupid to do so, Jared admitted to himself somewhat begrudgingly, but he knew Jensen didn’t love her.

Of course, Jensen never said he loved Jared instead of Danneel, but hey, a guy could only hope. Jared sighed again. His relationship with Jensen, well, his _romantic_ relationship with Jensen, only existed in the unsaid words, the private and intimate touches, the heated looks and meaningful gestures. It was there albeit unreachable until one of them decided to grab it, and it wasn’t going to be Jared. He had no shame admitting that he was scared to be that vulnerable again. Sandy pretty much had taken that confidence away from him.

Jensen had been working every second of every day trying to give that confidence back to him. Jared had never been that close to another man, or another person for that matter, and little by little their casual touches became more pronounced, held more intent, and without Jared realizing it, they went from falling asleep together on the couch to Jensen kissing the back of Jared's neck when he was busy cooking.

Something had to give.

So Jared could admit to himself that he was the wife in this unspoken relationship, because a small jealous, insecure part of himself was scared to death that Danneel would manage to change Jensen’s mind about Jared.

Irritated, he checked his watch. Tom and Mike had still thirty minutes left before bringing the pizzas, beer and themselves here, so Jared decided to play with Harley and Sadie in the backyard. As he called his babies, he heard a noise coming from the front door. Both Harley and Sadie stopped on their way towards him and took an alert stance that made Jared raise his eyebrows. The door was closed and locked; there was no reason to panic. His gaze darted from the door to the dogs before he jumped when the unmistakeable sound of a key turning into a lock resounded loudly in the room. A second later, Harley started growling.

Before Jared could think about the situation, much less react to it, the front door opened and revealed Christian Kane, Steve Carlson and two other men Jared had never met. That didn’t stop any of them from inviting themselves into his house, and the young men watched as Steve closed the door after them.

Stunned, Jared stood frozen in shock before Sadie’s loud bark and Harley’s threatening growl snapped him right out of it.

“What **the hell** do you think you’re doing here? _And how the hell did you get a key to my house?_ ” Jared demanded harshly, straightening himself to  intimidate them with his height, full of indignation and outrage.

The unknown men and Steve stayed silent _,_ all three turning towards Christian, who was looking around the living room, taking in the picture of Jared’s and Jensen’s families mixed together and the other pictures of the two best friends alone. His eyes surveyed the place and the more he watched, the more Jared could see his evident disgust at the life Jensen was so obviously sharing with Jared.

It made Jared angry.

“Kane! You have one minute to explain yourself before I call the cops!”

Christian finally turned his head towards Jared and gave him a cold smile.

“Now, why would you do that, Padalecki?  It’s not like me and my buds broke in. Jensen gave me the keys.”

Jared heard the words, but he didn’t believe them. Slowly, like he had to taste how they sounded coming out of his own mouth, Jared repeated them, his voice full of disbelief and unmasked hurt.

“Jensen gave you the keys? Why would he do that?”

Christian’s eyes were cold as his smile widened at the evident hurt in the younger man’s tone.

“Because he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of no one being able to come in except the two of you.”

Shocked, Jared couldn’t even form any words to respond to something so…so…

“He knows you want to fuck him.”

Jared reared back as if someone had slapped him. Bile rose in his throat and he felt like his intestines were trying to twist themselves out of his body. Those words were just so… crude, violent even, and not at all what Jared would associate with his feelings for Jensen. Worse, coming from Kane and in front of others, it was downright degrading and left him vulnerable.

But another part of him, the same part he used to immerse himself in Sam’s character, Jared realized, was keeping a cold, analytic mind about the situation, staying on edge and wary because something was off with this scene. Christian was watching him with an unnatural amount of hatred now. Jared felt a shiver run down his spine.

“See, Jensen and I, we’ve been talking about this for weeks, about this situation. This gay-domesticity crap that you are forcing on him. At the beginning, he stayed with you in your little suburban house to help you get over the way you screwed up your own wedding plans. Of course, since you’re a _fucking fag_ , it’s not like that was going go anywhere anyway, right? Always touching Jensen, you even tried to kiss him in front of the cameras… I pity that poor girl Sandy, really…or maybe she was lucky to dump your ass first.”

Jared could feel the _burning_ rage starting to fill his veins. That asshole… _that asshole had no idea…_

“But then, Jensen started to see less and less of us, his _real_ friends, the ones who've known him for years. He was being smothered by you, always doing things with you instead of with us or his girl or even his family! Always forced to hang out with your sorry ass, and he couldn’t even say no! I mean, you two are the only leads on that show of yours - if things get screwed up between you two, then the show is done, right? I bet you play that angle to get what you want.” Kane took a deep breath to emphasize the importance of his next words and locked his gaze with Jared’s. “But no more.”

 Jared realized then that Steve and one of the other guys was holding a long bag. His gaze stayed on it a minute before slowly looking at Christian’s face. He saw no mercy and no regret for what was about to occur. He only saw hatred, violence, and disgust. It made Jared sick to even be in the presence of that man.

But if Christian and his goons were about to take him down, then he was going to give them a real reason to do so and not that shit that Christian spewed. Never mind the fact that he couldn’t remember if he had a heart anymore, because it promptly disappeared at the idea of Jensen willingly handing the keys of their home over to someone who hated Jared.

“You’re a fucking psycho, Kane; there is no mystery about why you’re alone, and why you always will be. There is no reasoning with you because you’re a fucking homophobe as well, and if anyone should feel disgusted and uneasy here, it’s me. The four of you make me want to puke.”

Christian’s face slowly turned red while Steve extracted four baseball bats out of the bag. Jared could practically hear his brother’s voice in his head, _“Don’t let them think they hurt you before they actually do, and even then don’t show them anything. Bullies always want it but they should never get it”._

“And let me tell you something, Jensen is the one who likes to kiss my neck every time I cook. He’s the one who caresses my hair when I fall asleep, and he’s the one who…”

Jared was cut short by a violent swing of the baseball bat into his stomach. That had to be the most violent thing that ever happened to him in his whole life. The shock, the horror, the injustice of what he was about to live through fell on him like the world's weight on the most discouraged man’s shoulder. They were here for blood and he knew it, but he was going to give them a reason.

“Jealous, possessive little bitch, ain’t you, Kane?”

This time the baseball bat hit him on the side of his head, and Jared fell on the ground with a startled cry. He was vaguely aware of one of the men locking Harley and Sadie in the closet when the dogs tried to attacked them, and worry for his babies gave him the strength to straighten up, only to be brought down again by a vicious kick in his kidneys.

As a world of pain started to steadily envelop him, insults, shameful names, and the cruelest truths were thrown at him, leaving him even more ravaged. Jared screamed, but he never begged.

Unfortunately, he never passed out either, until they deemed the attack complete and left.

 

 

-||- -|- -||-

 

  
-||- -|- -||-

 

Jensen looked around the luxurious hotel room he and Danneel were staying in. He passed a weary hand over his face and darted a look at the closed door of the patio, where his girlfriend locked herself a few minutes earlier.

Jensen had reluctantly taken his flight at ten a.m. this morning and it was past noon when he arrived in L.A. He didn’t really know what to expect since Danneel had planned the whole trip to be a relaxing surprise _._ He was supposed to know nothing about it and just enjoy it, but he certainly wasn’t happy about staying in a romantic suite where the bed was covered by red rose petals and with two glasses of wine on the bedside table.

He pleaded fatigue and an uncomfortable flight to escape any explanation about why he wasn’t eager to get into bed with her, but even in his denial, he knew Danneel couldn’t be that oblivious. Or at least he hoped so.

The familiar guilt settled on his stomach as he thought of how much of an asshole he probably appeared to be to her right now _._ In his defense, every time he had tried to talk seriously to her about their relationship, she had found a way to change or deflect the conversation, even if she had to provoke a fight about other things.

Like Jared.

That seemed to be the favorite subject of Danneel’s wrath these last weeks. Her virulent rants more than once turned vicious as she made it her mission to prove to A from Z how Jensen spent too much time with his co-star. Next was how tiresome it was to hear everyone ask about Jared and Jensen instead of her and Jensen, and how Jared seemed to monopolize all of Jensen’s time. Finally, it was how Jensen never went to L.A or even to Richardson anymore, how he missed _all_ of Kane’s concerts, and that even when Jensen was hanging out with his friends, Jared always seemed to be there as well.

More often than not, Jensen found himself biting his tongue for snapping out something particularly nasty to her. He never handled it well when someone was bad-mouthing his best friend to begin with, but hearing Jared be trashed because of choices Jensen had made, hearing him belittled like he was a unwanted burden Jensen had to deal with instead of the person he loved the most in this world, was downright impossible.

Really, it wasn’t surprising that when Jensen saw the bed, he snapped. And now Danneel was outside on the patio, sulking, he thought uncharitably, but he didn't feel very sorry _._ Plus now he was annoyed that he didn’t even know where the damn remote was for that big-ass wide screen on the wall.

The sound of Danneel's phone vibrating against the coffee table interrupted his dark thoughts and he marched towards it. He picked it up and a message from a unknown number came  up on the screen.

**_At V. Moving towards the house. Will call you when it’s done._ **

Jensen blinked and turned towards Danneel as she entered the room still huffing. She froze when she noticed her phone in Jensen’s hand. Jensen raised one eyebrow.

“You just received a weird message from some unknown number.”

“Really?” Danneel asked, already extending her hand to grab her phone back. “Let me see… huh. Wrong number, I guess.”

She shrugged and closed her phone, putting it in her pocket. Jensen watched her without really knowing why before shaking his head. He cast a nervous glance towards the bed. _Now or never_ , he thought.

“Listen, Danneel, I really think we need to talk.”

She gave him a shrewd look and went to retrieve some clothes from her bag.

“About what?” she asked with irritation.

“About us,” he responded, his tone even.

Danneel actually stopped what she was doing to look at him.

“Look, Jensen, this whole week is about us. I organized the whole trip to help us refocus on our relationship, now that I got you alone for two seconds without Jared side-kicking. We’ll have all the time necessary to talk about whatever you want, but right now I would really like to try the new clothes I bought and you can maybe tell me what you think? Please?”

Jensen’s jaw had twitched at Danneel’s jab about his best friend, but as he was too tired to fight her again, he nodded his assent. For the next forty minutes, he watched her try on outfit after outfit, parading sensually around the room and basically being the fantasy of every man who wasn't already in love with their soul mate.

_There is no use_ , thought Jensen with dark amusement, as he watched Danneel scowl every time he politely turned his gaze away as she undressed. _Jared is under my skin, I don’t even remember wanting anyone else… I don’t want to either. I want to go home. Time to end this._

“Danneel!”

She abruptly stopped walking and her eyes almost imperceptibly widened. Jensen pushed down his guilt and steeled himself, but before he could utter a word, his phone rang. He wanted to ignore it, just like he wanted to ignore the relief on his girlfriend’s face, but she said:  
“You should take that. I’m gonna change, so don’t stay too long - we’ve got a reservation to the spa.”

Barely containing a shout of frustration, Jensen answered his phone without checking and snarled:

“What?”

“Jensen?”

Confused, Jensen looked at the screen before he brought the phone back to his ear.

“Tom? What’s wrong, dude? You sound like a wreck.”

A weak laugh, sad and broken, made Jensen tensed.

“Tom? What’s wrong?” he repeated in a low voice.

“Jen.  It’s Jared... something's happened.”

And just like that, the world crashed.

 

 

 

 


	5. Part five AKA 1

  
  
  


  


 

  
-||- -|- -||-

 

 

 

“Hey, goofball, did you take my red shirt? The one I bought last week?” Jensen asked loudly, his voice echoing in the empty room.  
A smothered _Nope!_ was his answer and Jensen fondly rolled his eyes, knowing Jared was probably hiding the said shirt right now. He sighed and zipped his luggage.

As he went downstairs and entered the living room, he caught sight of a dejected-looking Sasquatch sprawled on their wide couch and sending a deadly glare at the bag Jensen just brought with him.

Before Jensen could warn him to shut his mouth, the well-known whine came through:

“Do you _really_ have to go?”

If his voice wasn’t so pitiful, Jensen would have laughed, but like the wonderful best friend he was, he just passed his hand through Jared’s hair in a soothing motion and nodded. Hazel eyes met his own green ones before the younger man bit at his tantalizing lower lip and looked away.  Jensen inwardly groaned. It’s not like he didn’t want to stay, especially considering how much he wanted to bend Jared on the nearest surface and have his wicked way with him, but in order to do that, he needed to make a clean break with Danneel.

Then…

Then Jensen can show Jared that, if it was up to him, he would never leave him, never. They would always stay together. Preferably naked and in a bed. Or no bed, Jensen wasn’t picky. Lost in his lusty thoughts, it took him a minute to realize Jared was talking.

“… and I just don’t like the fact that I can’t call you for a week. A week is long, it’s seven days, I mean did we ever spend seven days without talking, or texting? I don’t remember, I’m not sure and I don’t want to do it. I get that you need to clear things up with Danneel without any interruption. I just need to know you’re ok, you know? How can I know that if I can’t talk to you?”

Jensen snorted, interrupting the blabbering, and sat on the coffee table in front of the man he was so desperately in love with. As Jared sat up straight, Jensen caught his chin between his fingers and forced the younger man to look him in the eyes. With a firm voice, he ordered:

“Jay, stop worrying.”

A familiar pout was making an appearance, but for once, Jensen was having none of it.

“I’m gonna do this. I have to. It’s about time I take care of things with her, don’t you think? We need this, and I don’t mean Danneel and I.”  
Jensen watched Jared’s cheeks go pink with interest. A fond smile played on his own lips and his eyes crinkled.

“It’s only a week. I’ll be back before you know it, and you won’t have time to miss me. Besides, what could possibly happen to have you all freaked out?”

 

-||- -|- -||-

-||- -|- -||-

 

 

  
His chin still firmly held by Jensen, Jared could only purse his lips at that question. A lot could happen during a week, that’s what. Jensen could realize that he missed a pair of nice boobs and cave in to Danneel’s seduction attempt. He could realize that she could give him a future, kids of his own, and stay with her. He could…

“ _Hey!_ ”

Jared blinked and had the good grace to look embarrassed, knowing his thoughts must have been written all over his face. He started to squirm out of the grasp, but Jensen’s green eyes pinned him in place.

“Jared, Danneel and I have been over for months now, you understand? And I wouldn’t have it any other way, I’m not in love with _her_.”

Jared could feel his cheeks redden at what was left unsaid, and his heart was beating so loud he was surprised Jensen hadn’t mentioned anything. Not having any eloquent words to express what he was feeling, he just let his hand wrap around the wrist of his best friend as the man made no move to release his chin. They looked at each other with love, adoration, devotion and maybe a little fear before Jensen cleared his throat. He let go of Jared and stood up, only to yank the other man to him and murmur:

“Now, be a doll and give me my departure hug, bitch.”

Jared gave him a watery laugh before punching his arm, and Jensen related by swatting him on the ass. Finally the younger man engulfed his best friend, the best part of himself, in a giant, tight hug _,_ melting against him as Jensen’s hand slowly rubbed his back. Jared didn’t want to let go, ever.

“It’s only a week _,_ baby boy.”

It was a good thing Jensen couldn’t see Jared’s face.

“I spoke out loud again, didn’t I?” the younger man murmured, mortified.

Jensen chuckled.

“I don’t mind.”

They stayed there a moment longer before they drew apart. Jared passed a trembling hand through his long hair and Jensen, back tensed, picked up his bag. They exchanged a wistful smile.

“Don’t lose your keys down there.”

Jensen snorted again.

“I won’t.”

As Jensen made his way through the front door and towards his car, Jared couldn’t stop watching him. Jensen’s cologne was filling his nostrils and he could still feel the remains of the older man’s touches. Something had just ended there, and when Jensen came back, something new would begin.

 

 

 

 

**_The end and the beginning..._ **

 

 

 

 


	6. EXTRAS: Notes and Thanks

Hi!

First of all thank you so much for reading my challenge, it’s truly humbling to have his work appreciate like that, thank you!

Second of all, **Pfiou !** Let me tell you, this story was a long thing coming! It should have been post a year ago, during the first round of the J2 non-AU little challenge, created by [aelia1980](http://www.livejournal.com/editjournal.bml?journal=likiel&itemid=17172). That community is awesome; I wish it the best success possible and many more writers, artists and readers for the years to go.

Last year, events in real life stopped me from posting the first version of this story and after a long vacation to Israel, into my mom’s home, I decided to rewrite it. Then I have to get back to university in Paris, and then during holidays to my dad’s family house in Eire, and during all those times, “Five Times Two” wouldn’t leave my head.

It’s my second J2 story ever, but the first one I’ve finished. The other J2 story is also an non-AU and have 20 chapters. One day I’ll post it.  
“Five Times Two”, the structure of it, is inspirited by the Movie “Cinq fois Deux” of François Ozon. It’s a French movie, about love of course and betrayal. About the end and the beginning of an entire relationship and how things go from good to bad, or bad to good sometimes.

I wanted to give you this story in reverse because the plot fits the structure and because all the five moments I wrote, with Jared’s and Jensen’s POV are crucial and build the entire fiction.

I needed bad guys for this one, and those roles worked great on Danneel, Christian, and Steve. Now, I do not know them in real life, and I’m sure they are all adorable, just because I used them like that in my fiction doesn’t mean I, personally, hate them or something like that OK? Quite the contrary. But “Five Times Two” is not only a story about love, it’s also, even more, a story about betrayal. I needed the bad guys to be close people of Jensen.

Now, I really want to thank three people:  


  * **Lou** , my friend and my artist who went borderline psycho to force me finish my story and gave me tons of encouragements, the most important ones being her **gorgeous, fabulous, talented arts!** Thank you, dear, and we will talk about you being my artist for this year Big-Bang!



  


  * **Caroline** , [firesign10](http://www.livejournal.com/editjournal.bml?journal=likiel&itemid=17172), my Beta! What would I have done without you, seriously? Despite the very, very long moment between my first mail with the first parts and then my last mail with the lasts, you didn’t lose interest! And despite the awfully short, downright impossible timeline I imposed on you, you rocked it all, like a queen. Thank you really, thank to you I could made it.



  


  * **Andy** , [aelia1980](http://www.livejournal.com/editjournal.bml?journal=likiel&itemid=17172), Thank you for creating the [](http://j2noauchallenge.livejournal.com/profile)[**j2noauchallenge**](http://j2noauchallenge.livejournal.com/).community and giving us the opportunity to write and read greats non-AU stories. Those are the best and I’m glad someone wants to preserve that. I did admire how much you wouldn’t relented when you didn’t have enough artist, you go girl!



  
But most of all, thank **you** , you who is reading those words and probably read the story, you are the cause of my biggest smile today.

Kiss everyone, I truly hope you enjoyed the ride, I know I did.

Erin.

 


	7. EXTRAS: The Arts's Section & Lou's message

Hello everyone!  
  
My name is Lou, well Louise, but all my friends call me Lou. I’m twenty four and I’m a French artist, but not a writer nor a vidder and my English is not so bad, I think. Obviously I’m a mega fan of Supernatural as well.  
  
Likiel (Erin for those who don’t know that already) is one of my friends in real life and I love her stories, half of it is not even posted but when I get all stalkerish on her, she actually move her little butt and update.  
  
“Five Times Two” is the second J2 non-AU story she ever wrote and I loved the idea, the concept, the structure of it so much, that I wanted to see it finish and post on LJ. So I proposed to be her artist. Took a lot of coaxing, bump of crappy moments and others shenanigans but we’ve made it.  
  
  
  
The idea of “Fives Time two” is inspired by a French movie that Erin and I love very much, here is the poster:  
  
  
Like in that movie, Likiel wanted to tell her story in reverse, divided in five very special key moments. And I loved it so much I decided to made arts for every one of them.  
  
The first two ones are supposed to symbolize healing. I chose yellow and green to give an impression of peace and happiness after everything that happened to the two characters. And of course “Green” is for Jared who was the one hurt.  
  
  
  
  
Jensen’s quote **“Tell love that I love you”** is inspirited by a French song of Maxime Nucci, _“Dis à l’amour que je t’aime”_ I used it because I thought of how Jensen was waiting for Jared’s response to his declaration of love and how much bigger than life their shared love was.  
  
  
  
  
  
 **“Watch me unfold my soul”** comes from a Marié Digby’s song, about someone very afraid to show who he really his to anyone who would want to love them, but yet having the courage to bare his soul and true colors, in hope of finding love. I couldn’t think of anything more fit for Jared in this part.  
  
  
  
With the second part of the story, well fourth part since the chapter are in decreasing order, is set in much dark and creepy colors. It’s actually, with the next part, the highest (and longest) part of her fic.  I used dark and sad colors because there is no happy place in those moments, not even at the end when Jensen confessed his love to Jared since he dodesn’t want any answer.  
  
  
  
  
 **“Nobody should love me like that”** is of course a quote from Jensen’s rant towards Danneel when she round on him about his relationship with Jared. I love this part; I think Likiel did a great job at showing the intensity, the outrage, the betrayal between the characters. I’m glad Jensen doesn’t deny once that Danneel don’t love him, but refused and rejected that kind of love. In this story it’s more meaningful this way  
  
  
.  
 **“The worst things in life come free to us”** is a quote from the wonderful song of Ed Sheeran called “The A team”. There is a cover of this song that managed to bring me into tears, it’s the one made by Alex G. Her voice is very sad when she sing it and the true of that sentence “the worst things in life come free to us” touched me deeply. I thought it would be a good quote for Jared’s POV.  
  
  
The arts of part three are as dark as the precedent ones, I used blue and purple, because somehow, I managed to connected those two colors with things like revelations, truth, uncertainty and in the case of purple, imagination and dream.  
  
  
  
  
 **“Liars, liars, liars”** is not a quote. Actually I really didn’t have to think much before I wrote it on my art, because after reading Jensen’s POV during that part, it was instinctively what I came up with. I tried to use some nightmare effect with this art, I hope it shows. The pink color of the sentence is the exact same pink of Jensen’s lips. Do you see irony here or is it just me?  
  
  
  
I love this one because it’s so creepy!  **“I wake up and I can’t breathe”** is a direct effect of that wonderful dream’s scene Likiel’s wrote. I’m sure some of you had noticed, she took her inspiration from the song “Imaginary” of Evanescance, and so did I. the purple sky of Jared’s Paper Flowers’s field is represented by the color of the art and the white of the quote is a tribute to the creamy white clouds.  
  
  
The fourth part of “Five Times Two” is a delicate one because there is a violent scene and an introspective one. Two different emotions, two different events. Jared is getting beat-up and Jensen is in L.A with Danneel.  Using dark colors for those two wasn’t appealing to me, and I needed to use red, crimson red for Jared’s POV.  
  
  
  
  
So, using blue, clear blue for Jensen’s POV seemed like the right thing to do, because even with Danneel, trying and failing to break things up, he was still thinking of Jared, still deeply in love with the man and sure of it. The quote **“The world thirst for Love, you will come and slake its thirst”** is an extract of one of my favorites poem of Arthur Rimbaud, “Sun and Flesh”.  
  
  
  
  
I’m sure y’all have recognized the title **“In the House in a Heartbeat”** the music composed by John Murphy for the movie 28 weeks later. I add to it **“And in dark places”** because this very moment, in “Five Times Two”, the moment when some homophobic people come inside your house to hurt you because you love differently than them, is a life changing someone for Jared, for anyone who ever lived through a violent hate-crime assault. In the house he was trapped, in a heartbeat he was hit, and in dark places he found retracted.  
  
  
The last two arts are full of love and mischief. It’s about winked to the all unsaid thing of the J2 relationship, the looks, the touches, the words, all the things that make us, fans believes that there is some romance between them. Light colors and the pictures that spoke louder than words.  
  
  
  
  
The quote is an extract of “What’s make you beautiful” by One Direction, but really the only version I ever heard is the Boyce Avenue one.  
  
  
  
 **EXTRAS:**  
I did made more because Erin needed encouragements and because I do love this story a lot. Enjoy:  
  
  
  
That’s what happiness’s about isn’t it? Love.  
  
  
  
  
Danneel’s famous words! I wanted to put them on a picture of chaos and destruction, hence the burning and the blood. The Picture of Jared and Jensen is just killing me here.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
That quote was there before she rewrites the entire story, but you get the gist. I really, really love Jensen’s protective side, and it’s something she’s playing wonderfully in her story.  
  
  
  
  
  
And finally, to give a tribute to the whole in reverse thing, I used a clock that slowly turned back to link the multiple parts. (Only avalaible on Live journal)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok, I really hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I did. And I really hope you like the arts. Erin wants me to get my own Livejournal so I can sign up to be her artist on the Big-Bang 2013, and call me crazy but I’m considering it, but only because the plot of her Big-bang is freaking crazy!  
If you want to leave me some feedback or ask me a question, leave your comments here, and I’ll respond, promise.  
  
Kiss, y’all.  
Lou.  
  
  



End file.
